that little voice

As I have become older I have also become more insecure and doubting of myself.

Logically I know that there is no reason to doubt, to feel insecure. My brain can rationalize and tell me that these are false thoughts... yet there is this voice that keeps popping up. I almost want to give her a name - we often speak many times a day - we really should be on a first name basis. She is not a very supportive and encouraging friend. If I saw her number on my phone I would probably choose not to answer.

Depending on where I am teaching she may choose to come and help me setup for class. Once I take my seat she almost always goes away and I can teach with confidence. Often she returns for savasana. We silently argue - her telling me all of my mistakes, things that I forgot, telling me how someone else would have done it this way and better.

Sometimes she is winning the arguments and I start to scrutinize all aspects of the class and my teaching and start to wonder why am I doing this. On a pretty regular basis students will come to me after class (they actually go out of their way) to tell me they enjoyed the class or ask for advice. At this moment - I win the battle and she goes away. I receive confirmation from outside of myself to help win the battle and make her go away.

I know, in my head, the truth that I am a good teacher ; continuing to refine and improve on a daily basis. I think I am more insecure now then when I was 20 because I care a great deal more now about what I am doing - the stakes are higher. I want more for myself and for those around me.

At this time - I will choose to keep her without a name. I want our conversations to be less frequent so that she doesn't need a name.

managing our expectations and influencing someone else's

How do you manage expectations of a situation? How does your sharing of an experience alter someone's expectation of a similar situation?

I went to my 1st John Friend workshop the other weekend. When I returned everyone was asking me how it was and my response was "I had fun, it was good, I learned a great deal". Each time their response back to me was - "Just good?"

For years now I have been hearing that his workshops were "amazing, life changing, like nothing else out there". This is a very unfair expectation to put on a situation and a person. How can any one situation possibly live up to that expectation. It is very much like a movie that everyone is raving about for weeks telling you that is the funniest thing they have ever seen. You finally go to the movie expecting to laugh so hard you will pee in your pants. Well, it is funny but your bladder is intact. It has been built up so much that there is no way it could possibly live up to the expectation.

We need to be more aware of how the sharing of our own experience can effect another person's opportunity to create their own expectation from a similar experience.

be mine

I came across a number of quotes while watching a YouTube video "Message from the Infinite Heart". This one in particular really stuck with me.

You, yourself,
as much as anybody
in the entire universe,
deserve your love
and affection.

It can be so easy to focus our energies outward on other people that we can forget in order to share love with someone else we need to 1st love ourselves.

For this Valentine's day I will BE MINE 1st before I try to ask someone else to be mine or offer myself to be theirs.

pūrṇatā

pūrṇatā - fullness, completeness, perfection

I love the idea that we are always beginning. Each moment is an opportunity to begin again. We are only as perfect as that very moment. The next time we try the same thing it is an opportunity to begin again and achieve yet a new level of perfection.